Thursday, April 1, 2010

Gives You Hell . . . adaptation

"Joanne!" a voice I knew called aloud.
I kept walking, not in the mood for the drama that followed him around - he knew that. What he thought annoying me more would do for him, I didn't know.
"Joanne!" he called again.
I walked a little faster, hoping to reach the safety of the class before I had to stop - a hand grabbed my arm and spun me around. I found myself staring into Ryan's eyes, they were clouded, but smiling - he was hiding something. Disoriented and annoyed, I clenched my fists so one of them wouldn't end up in his face.
"What do you want?" I asked, not bothering to fake my mood.
His smile faltered under my hard glare, "What? No hello?"
"You think you deserve one?"
"Yeah, we're friends aren't we?"
"YOU tell me. I got a pretty strong feeling YOU wanted that to end."
The bell rang and the rest of the people in the halls dissipated to their classes. I would have - but this opportunity was too good to pass up. His gaze was uneasy, the clouds in his eyes were fading, I could almost see whatever he was hiding.
"Joanne, I told you I don't know what you're talking about," he said. "Would you just-"
"I WILL NOT LET IT GO!" I screamed, man it felt good. "I'm not just going to forget this knife you jammed into my back, you- you-"
"WHAT, Joanne? What am I?"
"Traitor! You WERE my friend, didn't that mean ANYTHING to you?" I asked, the rant slid easily from my overflowing brain and right out my mouth. "Anyone of us would have put ourselves out FOR you, ANYONE. I thought I could count on you, just like one of them, to have my back, to be there when I needed to talk."
"You ca-"
"DON'T EVEN," I yelled, a teacher down the hall closed their door, I forced myself to suppress a laugh. "What possessed you to think that we wouldn't ever find out you were going behind our backs? One hour you're holding Trish's hand the next you're trying to kiss Leanne? WE'RE FRIENDS, WE TALK TO EACH OTHER! We were bound to find out sooner or later."
"If you all have so much of and issue with it, where are Trish and Leanne?"
"They believe your 'stupid-boy' act," I muttered.
That had hurt me, badly.
"And you don't?" he asked.
"OBVIOUSLY!!!" I screamed. "I'm not going to fall for it Ryan, I know you MUCH better than that. Trish and Leanne weren't the only ones you cheated, if you remember."
The clouds vanished and his pain stopped waving, I had finally made a hit that counted.
"Jo, I didn't-"
I pulled my headphones out and set them on my head, "Yeah, right, uh-huh, sure. Maybe you'll find and idiot like yourself to listen, I'm done."
I turned up my ipod and walked away, it felt like I was on top of the world.

Fantasy or not?

7 comments:

M said...

Wow. When I read this, I can literally feel your fury. The way you utilized capital letters and your word choice really sells this piece. It is somewhat confusing at the end, when you mention, "The clouds vanished and his pain stopped waving..." I like the cloud imagery, but since you don't mention his pain before that, it is slightly confusing. I could really feel what you were feeling by the way you added little bits of your thoughts. Not to be critical, sometimes your conventions are not correct. Just for future reference, that might help with clarity. It doesn't really detract from this piece, but it would definately add to it and to future pieces.

John Knudsen said...

This was pretty intence, i liked it and thought that it flowed nicely. I liked the big capital letters to emphisize your anger. Well done!

Dikembe Mutombo said...

I liked the dialouge in the story and how that is how it explained everything that happened. I couldn't really picture seeing this conversation happening in real life public though but I guess you never know. Good job I liked it.

Eric Lynn Wright said...

Wow this was quite the story, very intense. I really liked how you emphasised the mood of the story. It sounded very realistic to me and i could picture it very easily. Awesome :)

Genevive Louise Noette said...

Dear Joanne,
WOW! Heated, encapturing, incredibly detailed. I have to say my favorite line from your piece was "I clenched my fists so one of them wouldn't end up in his face." You adaptation offered description that enabled me to let my imagination enjoy without provoking the English Nazi inside me. Very well done!
Sincerely, Genevive

Tay. said...

AMEN HONEYY!
hahaha. I loved this story. I felt your anger. I got how pissed off you were. It didn't feel rushed. So awesome. I could picture this in my mind so easily. Great. Fantastic. Timeless.
But are they in a relationship? I didn't really know what they were to each other? If you could clear that up, that would be much appericated. Also, this must be a fantasty of mine or something, but somehow I wished she would scream "GIVES YOU HELL" sometime in the ending. It would have made more sense with the song. But other than that great!

Ron Burgundy said...

This was a rather intense story. I almost started to feel angry while reading it. I liked that it was more of a conversation going on than just details of what had happened. It was happening now! and i liked that. Excellent work.
Ron.